Enough is Enough
bul·ly (ˈbo͝olē/)verb
use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
No one enjoys being teased, put on the spot, belittled, publicly humiliated, or embarrassed. Feeling inferior is such a suffocating feeling as human beings are created beautifully and meant to share and exude that beauty from the inside out. We are made as images of God and our souls yearn for love, kindness, and unity. If/when those gifts feel capped or limited, it disturbs us internally. Like, what happened? Why is this person causing the light in my heart to be dimmed? In my experience when those moments were not properly healed and then released, it closed up inside me with no where to go. Therefore, it began seeping out in other areas where I didn't realize. What a nasty ripple effect bullying can cause.
No one ever wants to admit...
... that they've been bullied or mistreated because it's a massive hit to our pride. Nor do we want to admit that we've also mistreated or disrespected another. All those times we were irritated at the grocery store line, or short tempered with the check-out clerk, or laid on our horns and flipped another driver off for making us miss the green light, or rude to a waiter because he/she had 17 tables to wait on and we didn't get our bread basket within 10 minutes. On both ends, that's essentially the same feeling as bullying or being bullied. Scripture says it best:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear... Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
“But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.”
P.S. Every quote I've ever read on Instagram, FB, google, or just quotes people make up, the bible always has one better, clearer, and more importantly, with context so you know the back story behind the quote...OH, and a description of the author so you know who's speaking and what a boss He is. He is GOD! The same God who created the universe, heaven, and hell. He's the most famous celebrity I know. He's gives us all life and a second life! Yolo...PYSCH! Haha O.k., done.
I've always wondered why I'm so assertive. Ever since I was a child, I always spoke up whenever I felt injustice. I would call out friends if I felt they were being mean or not sharing toys or weren't playing fair. However, if I got called out for not playing fair, I'd be furious. What a little hypocrite/ brat! I'd grow bitter at whomever busted my cover because I felt betrayed even when I knew what they did was righteous. I felt bullied even though I was in the wrong.
Literally 3 days ago as I was writing this, I found my junior high school bully on Instagram. My pride screamed loudly making it so difficult to revisit or reopen this door because that meant I had to face my greatest weakness of admitting that I am, in fact, weak. So much emotion erupted out of my soul that it broke me into surrendering my hardened heart before God by saying to him, "I am not You and I don't have it all together. I fall far from perfection every day and rely on my own strength often. Please forgive me when I idolize things before you. I need your help to get me through this. Please help me, God". Lord behold, hitting that bottom is always humbling because I know at the end of the day, by the holy spirit and death of Christ, I have a place in heaven and I am restored from all my brokenness. One day,
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”
I almost peed my pants when I read this. Jesus. Ain't. Playiiiin'! I'm good off that 'lake that burns with fire and sulfur'. EESH.
Ever since I can remember, before and after that year in 7th grade, I was always a part of the "in-crowd". (I hate the word "popular". Donald Trump's popular so what does that say? Whoops sorry. RUDE!) Social life came easily for me as I grew up with every ethnicity in the book and went to seven different schools; three on the east coast and four on the west coast. I think that's why I'm such a chameleon. I can crack jokes for days and find my niche in any social crowd. They say comedy is a great defense mechanism in hiding insecurities. It's totally true. Not always but in order to keep sarcasm at a healthy level, I needed to face truth and heal from wounds instead of covering it up with humor.
I won't say her name, but I remember everything about this bully. I remember her blue braces, long straight blonde hair, and petite size. She was loud, obnoxious, and a total comedian too. Unfortunately, her comedy was rooted in picking on others. She had friends to socialize with but I don't think she ever had friends to sit down and get deep with. Someone to share what she may be suffering through, what was going on at home, and what lied beneath her surface. Perhaps that's what made her project on to those who were "weaker" because that made her feel stronger. By weaker, I mean passive people not in the "in-crowd"; easy targets that won't fight back.
I remember my first day at Martinez Junior High School. The cafeteria was very evident that one's social rank was based on where they sat at lunch. There were 3 long table 'columns' and the lunch line ran down the center. As I walked up to the it, I saw that the first table in that middle column was all attractive and popular boys looking like baby versions of One Direction. The 2nd to front table was all beautiful caucasian blonde and brunette girls; many in cheerleading uniforms. The third table was pretty girls, but not as obviously gorgeous or sexy as that 2nd one. All 3 tables were friends and communicated openly with one another. They always saved seats and made sure they sat with their best friends. The rest of the cafeteria, I kid you not, was pretty much informally labeled, "others". As in, there was no more rank in all these other tables because everyone was insignificant unless you were at the first 3. Well, miss THANG sat at that 2nd table. Over time, I "made it" into the 3rd table but with difficulty. I say difficulty because I was only friends with the girls so I could sit at that table. I honestly didn't have much in common with them, hated the superficial conversations, and didn't relate to them emotionally or maturely. I sucked it up because I needed to feel included, noticed, and in some way, relevant.
I think my bullier saw that weakness and used it against me. She would walk to class and socialize with me which made me feel invincible. But other times, she'd publicly humiliate me and then laugh as if she was laughing with me but it was a cover up so I wouldn't realize what she was really doing. She used and belittled me to keep herself high and mighty in rank. She made fun of my race, my clothes, and reassured me that she could "beat me up" if she wanted to. One time she said, "Jess, you know I could kick your ass, right?" I laughed but she said, "No, really. You know that, right?" And I said, "O.k." Writing this now still infuriates a part of me because all I wanted to do in that moment was say, "Shut up! No, I would fight back!" Instead, I kept quiet because I was afraid to get on her bad side. I knew she'd make my social life hell by going to great lengths to make sure I was gossiped about by everyone. She had the power to do that.
Today, she's married, has children, and seems like a very happy and light hearted person. Praise God. Three days ago, I messaged her on Instagram simply wishing her well, attempting to reconcile, and asking how she felt about it today. I didn't expect a reply. I just wanted to open that window for myself to drop the pride so I could begin to forgive and heal. Lord behold, she replied! She said she doesn't remember doing the things I remembered but is truly sorry that she had such a negative impact. She said that everyone wants to block things out that they aren't proud of in their past and wishes she could take it back. Lastly, she told me that she's proud of the person I've become and hopes her apology helped. I was BEYOND grateful. Her message was truly genuine and brought me peaceful closure.
It's so hard to forgive bullies. It's like being given the death sentence for a crime you never committed. You know you're innocent but no one believes you so it creates this bitterness of, "Why tell the truth and do good if we'll just be punished either way?" This made me think of all the people who bullied Christ. He knew the consequences of speaking truth but still pressed forward in fighting for righteousness to save us. He knew he had to die so we could be united with God one day. Not only did His bullies spread rumors but they spat on Him, forced Him to wear a crown of thorns, and nailed Him to the cross! I mean, GEEZ! My fear of speaking up was because of rumors?! When Christ was crucified!! I will never know why God loves us so much but I'm thankful that He is perfect. We need to always forgive as Christ forgave us. God knows every selfish and prideful thought we've ever had since we we're kids as well as every action we've done that's hurt others. Yet, He still sent His sinless son to live a perfect life for us so we could gain life in eternity. He sacrificed everything to give us that so who are we to hold grudges against a brother or sister? Who are we to blame and hate our neighbor for being human? We are ONE body so when we hurt each other, we hurt ourselves too. We belong to God and will be united with him one day. He loves us, gives us life, and calls us home.
THANKS FOR READING GUYS! Be sure to 'Subscribe' below so you'll know when I post next and if you liked this post or found it helpful, please click the 'Like" button below! Love y'all!
“For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”
